Fashion Model still on the Loose.

The Harvestfest fashion show model who wandered away from the stage lights Saturday is still at large. Over a week has passed since her disappearance and yet fashion show promoters continue to deny that any of their models have escaped or are missing from the facilities in which they are held.

The parents of the missing model, however, tell us a different story. They claim that their daughter had just finished her catwalk and was about to be put back into the holding area when she wandered away from her handlers and disappeared into the shadows of Spruce Street. Her parents have long been critics of how Harvestfest officials have treated these young, amateur models but recently others have also come forward with claims of harsh treatment and unsanitary living conditions.

Regular late-night sightings of the missing model continue to be reported. A homeowner on Kenyon Drive claims to have seen her nesting in a canebrake on his property. Sunday night, the above camera phone picture was taken of her during an accidental encounter in Allsopp Park.

The girl, whose name has not been released, is not carrying any identification because the outfit she was modeling had no pockets or accessories. “Without her cell phone, I don’t know how she will survive out there. Other than texting, her only form of communication is a series of squeals and grunts,” Stated her worried father.

On Lee Avenue, a driver braked to avoid hitting her as she darted in front of his headlights, apparently chasing an animal across the road. A woman on Edgewood reported that her garbage bin had been overturned and was reeking of Britney Spears Radiance (the alleged perfume of the missing model.) And near the water works, a night watchman reported seeing an angry young woman hovering protectively over what appeared to be a deer carcass.

Wildlife management authorities have expressed concerns that this girl will eventually meet up with the criminal suspect who recently fled from authorities by hiding in Allsopp Park. “Together they form a breeding pair. We could end up with a colony of feral humans in that woods if we’re not careful.”

TRUTH METER: This story is only 8% true. This is a bullshit story.

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