Sighted!

The Hillcrest Pug Strangler has once again been spotted.

As you recall, he is the lunatic who mysteriously started stalking and strangling pug dogs in the Hillcrest area in mid 2010. Efforts to apprehend him have failed. Little is known about his origin or identity, however, there is persistent rumor that he lives in a hole in some lady’s garden somewhere on Woodlawn street.

Early Sunday morning, the congregation was crowding into the Pulaski Heights Baptist Church on Kavanaugh. A large mass of the faithful accumulated in front of the magnificent white columned entrance, politely inching their way toward the front doors so as to enter to praise the Baptist god.

Within the crush of people, a wholesome church-going reader of this news service found his nose pressed against the back-of-the-head of the person in front of him. This contact caused the person in front to slowly turn around. Three inches from our reader’s face was the bug-eyed, empty gaze of the Hillcrest Pug Strangler!

Our reader panicked. He thrashed about in the crowd like a drowning man. It was like Charlton Heston when he found out Soylent-Green was people. Only instead our reader screamed: “It’s the Pug Strangler!”

The crowd bolted, frantically dispersing in every direction! Within 15 seconds nobody remained in front of that church except for the Pug Strangler himself. He was dressed in his usual tight Foghat t-shirt, black leather gloves and tiny plum-smuggler shorts. His Manson-lamp eyes calmly watched as a hundred devout Baptists fled across lawns and alleyways to make their getaway.

As the last church goer escaped his empty glare, the Pug Strangler calmly turned toward the grand doors…and walked in.

We have no account as to what happened after that.

—-If our new readers wish to learn more about the Pug Strangler, I refer them to earlier Forbidden Hillcrest stories, such as this one

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