The Pug Strangler announces Wedding Plans

The creature that is called the Hillcrest Pug Strangler has announced his plans to marry Fox16’s Donna Terrell this Fall.

“I want it to be a complete surprise to her, which it should be since she doesn’t know who I am yet”, claimed The Strangler, “But that will all change on our wedding day”

The fiend claims to have turned his life around since the days of attempting to murder every small dog from Pulaski Heights to Capitol View: “I got my old job back at Stephens Inc or where ever it was I pretended to work  and I’m no longer compelled to hurt the helpless and the week. I’m back in the money game now.”

The Pug Strangler claims to have worked as an investment executive at Stephen Inc until he suffered a psychological breakdown during the market collapse of 2008. It was then when his urges to kill became uncontrollable. Forced from his home on Edgehill Road by court order, he then took shelter in some lady’s garden on Woodlawn Street (near Walnut), where he slept in a hole in the ground under some loose boards. It was during the heat of the afternoons that his cravings to kill grew strongest. He would scuttle from his hole and creep leeringly through Hillcrest hunting for pugs in his black leather gloves, plumb-smuggler shorts and Foghat T-shirt.

“I still listen to Foghat. And I always wear the short-shorts. News-girls love that stuff. I even bought a Ford F-350 just to seal the deal.”

More stuff here.




Tagged with: , , ,